Extract from The Land Pirate:

The story so far...

Jenny Go-Sprightly has joined a motley band of travellers on their way from London to Bristol when their journey is rudely interrupted:

The countryside sounds of cuckoos and crickets
Passed pleasantly by until Maidenhead Thickets!
A notorious place where footpads would ply
Their nefarious trade with a shot and a cry
Of ‘Stand and Deliver’ the Highwayman’s Call
Tho’ the chances of robb’ry in daylight were small.

“Stand and Deliver!” a sudden voice said
“Or ye’ll all feel me pistols and choke on me lead!
I’ll strip ye all naked and give ye both barrels
I’ll dance on yer graves while I sing Christmas carols!”

Well, the men sh–t their breeches, the women all spew’d
While Jen kiss’d goodbye all the cash she’d accru’d.
The carriage was ringing with screaming and sobs
Wet, tear-stained cheeks and trembling gobs,
Whimpers of ‘O Lord please save us, Amen’
Fainting hysterics - and that was the men!

The Alewife was nervously guzzling gin
The Sister was stuck in her chair like a pin.
The Doctor was sick, The Parson blasphem'd
The Dandy’s whole wardrobe would have to be clean’d.